Totally Ace
by Firefly in the Mist
Summary: Sasori and Deidara agree on something? Itachi wants his brother back? All Ace has to do is show up and chaos ensues. Rated T for hints of many kinds. Now R&R I command you! Seriously.


Totally Ace

Kakuzu had said that living in inns was expensive and he'd leave Akatsuki if they decided to live like that. Pein had argued that they were a secret organization and couldn't bring down the castle, literally. Sasori simply said that black cloaks with red clouds weren't very inconspicuous and Deidara backed him up with a final decision that camping outside would get his hair tangled. Kisame laughed and Deidara later on put explosive shampoo in his toiletries bag only to discover that the big fish didn't shampoo his hair… Gross.

So the Akatsuki decided to live in a secret hideout… A cave, brilliant, just plain brilliant… Perfect for midge bites. But luckily they went when they build an underground fortress.

So here we are, up to date. Oh one last thing.

Sasori agreed to listen to Deidara's favourite song. Boom boom boom boom… Almost literally. He is now currently having nightmares in his dreams on the sofa in the living room when….

"What! Sempai and Sasori-Sama agreed on something?!" Screamed the orange masked man, Tobi the ever annoying.

"Yes Tobi-Kun, don't be so surprised it was bound to happen at some point. Even if it is once a millennia on a blue moon in July. Congratulations Sasori-San, Deidara-San." Came a deep voice from the shadows, pony tailed and red eyed, Itachi the ever stork.

"Why thank you, Itachi-Kun." Deidara replied with a happy smile, blatantly ignoring Tobi.

" …" Sasori said nothing.

"This is fabulous; it will certainly be beneficial for the Akatsuki." Came the whispery voice of a woman from the doorway, painful memories of paper cuts in awkward places came too.

"Yes, maybe you can finally complete a mission without blowing up everything." Agreed the leader of the Akatsuki, the ever badass, Pein.

"Not happening." Deidara immediately objected

Sasori continued to sleep.

"This is totally awesome! Hey Deidara-Chan, I have a yaoi manga if you want to borrow it." Kisame grinned showing every point of his sharp teeth of doom.

"What the fuck do you take me for? Where did you get them from anyways?" Demanded Deidara, Kisame looked guilty towards Itachi, who shrugged and merely said.

"It's fan manga of my lil' bro and his boyfriend, Kyubi-boy."

Kisame made a wrenching sound.

"You seriously like SasuNaru?"

"Hn."

"I love NaruHina and SasuSaku."

"As you've said far too many times, talk about something else… Like SasoDei."

"What the fuck!" Shrieked Deidara, with his eyes bulging.

"Ah finally Deidara-Chan, you have become a Deidara-_Kun_. Jashin has blessed you with the ability to swear. Swear for me, Deidara! It turns me on." The male proclaimed through he door, quite literally. A three bladed scythe lay wedged in the door.

"Fuck no!"

"Oh for money's sake, we already have a professional swear-er in the Akatsuki. I will tentacle rape the next person who swears. And I hope it's you Deidara."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Be quiet Kakuzu, Sasori's trying to sleep." Konan scorned the old miser.

"Yeah, I'd say that Deidara and Sasori have a rocky relationship."

"This is totally ace! We can draw on his face, all those in favour of writing 'parts for sale' on his forehead!" Hissed Kisame through gritted teeth.

"Someone say my name?" Came another male voice, they turned to face a tall man with no shirt, an awesome hat and dark wavy, short hair.

"What is it? **Can we eat it?" **demanded a green haired man with a plat around his head. The ever-man-eating-cannibal, Zetsu.

"No, As for your question, this is Fire Fist Ace, he has a very high bounty so watch out." Explained the stork ninja with the ponytail, Kakuzu's eyes lit up, a mad, psychotic gleam in his eye. Weird, who would have guessed?

"How much?" Growled the ever-aging and money-gaining. One and only miser, Kakuzu.

"I forbid you to take that bounty Kakuzu." Pein mustered his full leader aura.

Kakuzu pouted.

"Ace, I have a question." Itachi turned to the pirate.

"Fire away." Ace answered cheerfully and helped himself to left over pizza from the coffee table.

"How do you get your brother to like you?"

Kisame spat out the drink her was slurping all over pour Konan, her eyes flashed and he knew he in even more trouble than when she as on her period and he ate all the ice cream.

"He just does. So how does your brother not like you? How does he act in general?" Ace interrogated him.

"He tries to kill me every time he sees my face.-"

"Well it is horrible to look at."

TSUKIYOMI

"Anything else?" Asked Ace.

"Yeah, he wears ridiculous clothes, I mean, who would wear an over-sized dog-collar-shirt?" Ranted Itachi.

"Hypocrite!" Sang Ace.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that…. Sasuke hates everything; I can't get through to him! I have a feeling he's going to end up wearing stripper clothes and having every girl fall in love with him on first sight and demand to have his babies. I blame that be damned creepy ass paedophile sensei of his!"

"He sounds like a real snake, this _sensei _of his_."_

"You have no idea…" Itachi replied morbidly.

"It sounds as if he ate the emo emo fruit." Chuckled Ace.

"I don't think so…" Answered Itachi thoughtfully.

"Then maybe we can give him the idiot idiot fruit?"

"Already been taken." Itachi sighed.

"?"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"Ah yes, Sas_**uke**_**'**s seme."

Itachi face palmed…

Author's note:

Errr… Yeah I was kind of bored of fixing up a fanfiction that was taking forever, so I decided to write a crack or whatever this is, hope you enjoyed. Just remember this, it hasn't been edited by my Beta and it was written on a really bad computer. I mean like, even worse than mine, gasp!

So… Review like your life depends on it! I have no motivation, I am so stuck on writers block for my novel. Help me by reviewing; I love reviews! So REVIEW BECAUSE I AM MELON LORD. Appreciate the 'Last Airbender Reference' or do what ever you do in your boring lives, make it interesting my reviewing! Seriously, REVIEW!

Okay, I think I got my message across, by in case I didn't,

REVIEW UNDERLINGS!

Over and out.


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